I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
