I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
