I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
