good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
