i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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