So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
