i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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