the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
