So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
