I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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