When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
whose ass print is on the piano?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
