I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
