so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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