I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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