all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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