Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
