He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
