Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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