i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
