STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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