Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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