You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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