Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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