i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
