I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
