So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
