I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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