so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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