my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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