he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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