I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
