I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize