I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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