I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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