so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
