I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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