'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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