Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
