I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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