i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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