All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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