my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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