im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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