Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
