I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
