She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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