A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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