Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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