This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
