I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
