sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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