but the lizard people decide everything anyway
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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