Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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