grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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