no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
