Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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