sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
