Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
