she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Come see our sink grown plant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
