it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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