Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
