You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
